Working in Somber and Joy...

WEEK TWO! La utz awach... Good Afternoon in Kaqchukel! Well, Guatemala has sunk its teeth in me....i'm gripped by this country already.


The end of last week was a crazy combination of excitement, adventure, home-sickness, culture shock, and physical sickness that had me on the road for disaster it seemed like...but thank God for JOY that came through the laughter and company of new friends...it truly was a complicated week of emotions.

Monday. I was abruptly stopped in traffic on my way to work. Traffic doesn't really exist on a 10 street town...this day's traffic was due to death. A little girl died in her home this morning. My taxi stopped in front of her covered body, and in arms reach of her uncontrollably somber parents. All i could do was pray, under my breath that God would do what He intended to. Somber.

I hung out with the "patojos" (kids) at the school i work at. Little first and second graders. Lice infested, snot nosed, most beautifully inquisitive creatures i have ever seen in my life. They ask me 5 billion questions. As fast as they can think, they ask. I feel like a movie star.

I try and put behind the gross realities of their homes and the reality that they are in my school because they WORK half the day to support their families. Did i mention they were in the first and second grade? Somber.

But you should see how they work...they have a determination to serve...they know that this value will help them survive...

Here is 6 year old Angel serving his classmates at lunch...

And this little one is on time out which i think he actually enjoyed being away from all the noise...

Later that day. Death gripped our little "Aldea" (neighborhood) AGAIN....A woman was found dead in the Lake. Her body was taken to the police station 2 doors down. The stench of evil reaked amongst us. Dark clouds loomed as the rain fell mid afternoon as the people slowly found out the news through the pueblo. Somber.

The people of Guatemala resilient as I can ever define that word, bounce back like a rubber ball with JOY. Years of war can do that. Years of somber woes will force the human spirit to rekindle its strength. It can't remain broken. Restoration starts with 2 single words. Move on.

So we moved on... I ran to the bakery and bought a cake for 7 dollars. My family's eyes were wide eyed as i sat the rare delicacy of cake on the fly infested table. We sang Happy Birthday to my brother Gerardo, 24 years young. JOY!

I held the newborn baby that's kept the entire family up for nights since his birth and rocked him to sleep. Un "toque" (touch) as my host mom says that few "unmothers" have. I am an "unmother" a mother without children. JOY!

Desire set in. To nurture and love. Something about witnessing the labor of the little guy i was holding did something to me. JOY.

Towards the end of the week, the girls and I set out to celebrate Hannahs Birthday! A new friend of mine that I am sure will be in life for years, we met in San Marcos la Laguna...i mean talk about an AMAZING time...it felt like a vacation, only to realize that we weren't going to actually stay at our celebrity mansion and would be returning to our humble homes! But that didnt stop the JOY that was in our hearts the whole time together....The week ended in JOY as promised!

Hanna Doll...Birthday Celebration!

The view from our loft in San Marcos...

Chillin on the dock in San Marcos...

I am reminded this week that regardless of what surrounds us, the difficulty, death, sickness, or pain...all of this is being done FOR us not TO us...Sometimes we blame the things we often can not control...and we say "why is this happening TO ME? But being immersed in a problem...allows me to see the healthiest response to this is to TRUST that:

And we know that in ALL things God works FOR the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose....Romans 8:28....

So in JOY or in SOMBER work...know that what you are going through is not what you are going TO and everything is working out for you....

UNREAL

I am here! After months of preparation and anticipation I arrived in Guatemala for my summer study abroad program in Social Work.

 I still can't fully express to you why i chose to visit a war ridden third world country for the summer but I have a feeling each day here will unravel it all....I am here for almost 10 weeks!

My host mom carried my luggage on her head when i arrived. Unreal.

I walk the streets everyday in Panajachel, Guatemala and still don't believe i can look up and see waterfalls in the jungle, three volcanoes, and a gorgeous lake...Unreal.

I wake up to a rooster every morning. and a few goats apparently watch me wash my face. Unreal.

I can eat a meal for less than 4 dollars a day here. Unreal.

My host family makes about $200 a month. They feed 10 people, 3 full meals a day. they are blessed. joyful and some of the most loving, helpful people i have ever met. Unreal.

I witnessed the birth of a baby this week. Unreal.

I spent time with 40 Mayan women at a parenting class. Spoke about "bullying". Played musical chairs to Reggeton and sat and listened to them commit to parenting their sons and daughters in the midst of some of the worst poverty i have seen in an urban/rural city. Unreal.

I listened to the tearful testimony of a woman in Santa Lucia who lost her husband, father and unborn child in one year in a ruthless Civil War that continues to haunt the people of Guatemala 30 years later. Unreal.

I identified the historical genocide of a history that affects us all. I wonder why and fear the answer, so i don't ask. Unreal.


I have been here a week, all i can think of is my BED, but you know what my host mom is thinking about? How can i make Michelle more comfortable in my impoverished home? Unreal.

You know what is REAL? The fact that while these things sound so unreal to a people from the US they are very REAL to a people in Guatemala.

I have done social work for over 10 years, but LIVING INSIDE the homes of people where brokenness, poverty, pain and desperation begins, is probably the most powerful, moving, and growing things i have ever done. REAL.

Not sure if I can capture all that is going on here, in my heart or in my head in a blog or in pictures...but moving forward past the culture shock and sickness this week is beginning to UNCOVER things in me.

I Pray for Grace to hide the diva in me. The judgement in me. The negativity that rises. The utter pain i feel each time I say no to a 7 year old street vendor. Each time I see a senior citizen carry wood on his back or 50 pounds of grain on her head.

It is unreal the amount of tears I've cried. Selfish tears. Painful tears, Humbled tears. Joyful tears.
REAL Tears.

Keep us in your prayers y'all. All this is about to get REAL for me.

Matiosh. (thank you in Kachukel)

Meesh.

"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me, Lay any burden on me only sustain me, Sever any tie but the tie that binds me to thyself"-D.Livingstone

My YES has a price and my NO has a Purpose...

I gave someone a piece of advice the other day that I often stare in the mirror and give to myself. Somewhere down the line of deciding my professional career and weighing my options towards living a life of purpose, I learned that anything that is worth the effort, has a price tag behind it...In my immaturity and ambition I became aware of my relentless spending habits of emotions, health, friends and family.

Back then, there was no price tag too big. I did not have regard for how much it cost me to take every opportunity as a potential for something bigger... I came away with amazing connections, open doors, and a resume stacked with things I couldn't even say how they even came to pass. But I had done it...and by golly it was fantastic! But i paid a price. sometimes I OVERPAID.

Today. My process of saying YES comes with the price tag of saying NO to someone or to something, and that someone is often ME and even worse that someone is often GOD himself! I have to ask myself who that is and what that is going to cost me before i say YES.

Today, my process of saying NO to something with POTENTIAL means i'm saying YES to something with PURPOSE...

"Not everything that is potential is purpose"

Ask yourself that when you are weighing your YES and your NO. What relationship will you spend less time with, what activity will you have to cut out? How much energy will it take out of you? How much does it really cost?

What price are you willing to pay for a vague possibility of potential, rather than the guarantee of purpose?

"Gambling on potential can rob you of your inherited purpose..."

Can you really afford to run your race on a gamble when you are promised an inheritance?

Dating a guy that has potential to be great, can rob you of the purpose you have in waiting God's best...Taking a job that has the potential to make you wealthy, may rob you of the guaranteed spiritual inheritance God has prepared for you...

Our YES has a price and our NO has a Purpose...what does that mean for you today? what is weighing on your heart today that you must say YES or NO to? 

2010 Lessons learned.

Some of the best lessons learned this year came from some pretty painful seasons. But if i can summarize them for you they would be these in this order.

1. OBEDIENCE

My sin is not just my sin. My Disobedience affects me and ALL the people around me. -Pastor Javon Ruff

Obedience is not asking who, what, where, how and why? Obedience is going, doing, and waiting on what you are told to do. No questions asked.

Why moves you backward and yes moves you forward. The only way to move forward in obedience is to MOVE.

Sacrifice and Obedience work together. Delayed Obedience is partial sacrifice. Partial Sacrifice is disobedience.-Perry Noble

This little nugget, is what kept me going when all i wanted to do is be comfortable and give up on the important things of life like my purpose. I didn't give up. I'm still standing...=)

2. Illusion of Control

The greatest illusion is the illusion that we are in control-Pete Wilson in "Plan B"

Dreams are inspired and transcribed to us by God only HE can write the blueprint. We are vessels of inspiration and merely vehicles of creativity for His plan.

Delay is not a denial.

God doesn't frown at the moment you failed, He rejoices at all the days you didn't fail.

Letting go of the reigns of my life. Having a loose grip on my desires, my expectations and my dreams has allowed me to LET IT BE. And I am thankful for the thought of being in control so that I can appreciate the awesome fact that God has got it and its way better than anything i would ever do in my control. I realize that even in my so called failure to have the faith enough to believe, i had just enough faith to please him. It was at this moment that I realized how small i am and Great our God is.

3. Stop praying from the place of lack.

We often come to God from a place of lack. "God i need, i want, i don't have, if you give, if you move this...THEN...ill do this....

We should pray from a place of trust. When we trust someone there should not be lack. There is no lack of character, or of supplies, or of love. We trust that they have what we need of them before we even see it. Why do we treat the creator of the universe with any less trust than we do people?

It took long enough for me to learn how to live in lack, now that I am learning to live in faith, it's , much easier to fall asleep at night. And Ive seen the promises of people go sour, that the promises of God are a sure win. I never want to pray from that place again.

4. Discernment

Discernment is not a tool for finding faults, its a cue for intercession-Oswald Chambers

I have always prayed for more and more discernment, and i know that if we ask God for something according to His will he will give it...including incredible insight and discernment on so many things and people. I remember sitting back in my prayer spot praying and asking for each and every person in my life and asking God to give me supernatural discernment on them and their life. AND HE WOULD TELL ME....what i didn't realize is that God never spoke to me about a flaw or fault in someone, that was all up to me. My thoughts or interpretation of the insight added up to a flaw, but that was all according to me. God would nudge me in a direction to pray, to speak to someone, spend more time understanding or a heed to watch out etc but never would he ever tell me how to NAG a persons character.....I thought this was so interesting and so eye opening this year, especially when i learned this:

We should never base our Godliness on the faults of others rather than the word of scripture.-Perry Noble, New Spring Church

How often do we do this in an argument? We want to be right all the time that we will use our lives and our character to measure the character or lack of character in someone else. We think so highly of ourselves, we think we are so Godly that when others fail, they fail against us. Just because people fail our standards, doesn't mean they fail God. GRACE, GRACE and more GRACE. The practice showing grace is an art in relationships.

When we humble our Godliness and surrender it to scripture, everyone else's shortcomings will be not be able to disappoint us.

These are some of the highlights....i feel like 2010 was full of mountaintops...some valleys, and those valleys hurt, but if it weren't for those valleys. I'm not sure if be here in 2011 writing some of these huge lessons. Hope some of these help you in your valleys.

fly me to the moon.

While every sign points to celebration of this new time in my life, all i want to do is fly away. I turned 29 in the most wonderful city NYC...and boy did i need to go away. Whether it be fly to New York, or Laguna Beach and sit and think, or fly away in my dreams in my cozy bed...i need to get away sometimes. Its been difficult to relish in this great moment, the calm after the storm of August, waiting for the sunshine. Waiting on the blessing. Its on the other side. As I write that i realize how many times I have written those words "its on the other side"... but im not on the other side yet? why?

Sometimes I think I've missed it? Have you ever thought you missed Gods blessing? I have. I don't frequent that thought, But I do sit and think: have i been thinking too much about life to live it. Have I been flying around the world escaping the lessons God has been trying teaching me? How many times do we run when it gets too hard? How many times do you UNSPEAK about a problem or an issue in our lives. How many times do we sever relationship so that we don't feel the burden of change or boundaries? I want to fly away. right now. you can fly me to the moon and back, but thing is, everything will be right where i left it. God will get His. He will get his point across whether I fly away or not. So i'm done flying. I'm grounded. Here in Orange County, this 29 year old is not waiting for another year to see whats on the other side. I'm staying. I'm living. Its here.

How about you? Just remember, you may not be where you want to be, but you aren't where you used to be. So come back to earth. Its all good in the hood.