blissful backfire....

Love life. its tough. Trying to come up with a way to justify what we want. What we feel we deserve. What we think it will be like when we get to that point of total bliss and someone will take our breath away and nurture our heart. I spent a lot of time praying that God will send me the man to love me and make my dreams come true..and most of all i spent hours groveling, begging God to please, please, please never let anyone break my heart! Oh NO! For the love of all that is good, God please not MY heart i cant take it! And i would go on and on like a whiny 5 yr old throwing fits of poutty woes at God...it all made sense to my heart, it was the only way to pray for a mate...and carefully guard my heart 

Until one day on my way to San Diego, to meet up with a date in Carlsbad, I gripped the wheel and pulled over. Hazards on, on the right side of the road I felt the weight of my prayers about my heart fall back on top of my heart. I realized that at that same moment, a single, independent, God fearing man was praying the same prayer and it could possibly be intended towards ME! It was as if my own prayer back fired on me! How could this be Lord? What I'm asking for is expected of me too? And so the shoe was on the other foot, and I had desires of love and the expectancy of my heart...but without the willingness to serve and give that back. I received the peace that as long as I pray for the heart of my future mate, God will make sure to remember my desires. Sigh. What a relief right? The only thing left to do is to be ready to be that and more to someone else....i was sure ready to be swept off my feet...but was I ready to sweep someone off theres? not at all...its funny the years we spend working on our list, countless chick flicks, sappy weddings, even the talks with friends about bad relationships and the "i know what DONT want" lists...but how often do we think about who we want to be in a relationship? Who did God intend for us to be for someone elses tall order of desires?

I understood at that moment off to the side of the rode, with my hazards on, that i was in no shape or form ready to be back on the road towards blissful love...i was a hazard and my prayer was a blissful backfire! I took another road trip alone to Phoenix, in the 6 hour car ride i prayed for my future husband in a different way, i encourage you to allow God to make your prayers for a mate, your desires of your heart completely backfire on you so that you can experience the bliss He intends for the two of you....
(i use girl vocab, if you're a male adjust accordingly =)

Heavenly Father please forgive my selfishness for pretending to ignore the precious gift that my husband will be to me. I want to be what he is praying for God. Whisper to him tonight that you have him taken care of as you transforn me each day Lord.

God I pray you trust ME with his heart. Help me hold it in the highest regard and care so that I dont break it. Help me not to take advantage his heart and kindness.Help me be thankful and appreciative of all that he gives me in return. Allow me the privilege to be the desires of his heart and the woman he prays for. .. God give me the touch he needs to feel special, wanted and loved. Give me the grace in my words to make him feel Honored, Respected, Celebrated. Allow me to challenge him in You and help me compliment the work you have begun in Him. Help me hear his concerns and understand his needs. Give me favor and allow me to give him counsel, encouragement and strength in his time of need. Make me an Abigail wife (1 Samuel 25), one who seeks you first with instructions on how to love him, A wife who takes care of his needs before my own, one who directs his eyes back to You God and one who rests in the provision of my first love Jesus Christ the source of all desire above all things here on earth.

Amen.