im busy

Im a busy person. I feel weird and guilty and unworthy of admitting that. I struggle so much with being busy. I hate telling people how busy I am. I hate updating my calendar to show how busy i am. I hate saying i have so much to do when im really trying to take a nap and rest.BUT Rest takes time. To rest means i have to subtract the time im trying to free up but i fill it with rest, so its still filled with something....so it still means im busy, even when im not being busy.


anyway. I don't want the reason why someone didn't call me to be " i knew you were busy" or "I need help but im sorry im sorry...i know youre busy" yuck. i don't like saying im busy, because i don't want to miss anything. I don't want to miss my best friend getting her braces off. I dont want to miss my friends phone call with tears on the other end. I don't want to miss my family's hello's and goodbyes hey dork hey losers. I don't want to miss that tug on my spirit to pray in the middle of the day. I don't even want to miss my favorite TV show waiting for me on my DVR...I dont want to miss school and learning.I don't want to miss shopping and starbucks and food and froyo with friends. I don't want to miss the opportunity to serve God.I don't want to miss teaching someone about just life. I don't want to miss... LIFE. But really...

i don't want to miss Heaven.

I don't want to go through life doing everything half ways. I dont want to be half way inside heaven and find out I cant go all the way in. Being busy is my call. I can do a whole lot...i am capable of changing this world... that requires work. Its what i do in between my to and fros and here and there's...in my car, in my room, in my prayer spot alone hearing Him sing to me and direct me...and comfort me and laugh at me =). It is in the in between s that i figure out what,why and who im really busy FOR.

It is truly better in the end....